Even in the midst of turmoil there are always moments of clarity. I had the great good fortune to have dinner with a couple of fine women this past Saturday night. There was much good food and much good drink and conversation.
As I later recapped the night and thought about the advice, the support and the acceptance of being able to share all the deeper bits of what I was dealing with it I realized how special good friendships are to our well being. They are the relationships that buoy us in times of trouble, celebrate with us when things are going our way and provide the uncensored, real feedback we need to make decisions and move forward. I don't have a lot of close friendships but the ones I have are important.
It's good to know that when the chips are down there will always be someone to throw a life line into the tub for me.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Bad and the Ugly...Good is Pending Arrival
I thought I would share a small view behind the shower curtain of my tub so we can get to know one another a bit. You might want sit down this post appears this is a long one.
When the last 2 months happened the idea to start a blog became solidified. I am viewing this opportunity as a way to put all the bad and ugly out in the universe, like a cleansing, so the good can come right on in. There have been some pretty big changes in my world recently that have left me feeling a little deflated. They were all things that, in isolation, I could have taken in stride, dealt with and moved on. When they all happen at once it makes you question some things.
The first was the demise of a relationship. My partner and fiance decided that he needed to step away from our relationship. After a divorce and some other relationships that never felt right, I knew with Wheels it was different. He was, is, the love of my life and not having him in mine has left a void that can never be filled. It has been like losing a whole piece of me and I'm still trying to relearn how to "be" without him - right now I'm not sure I ever will. I miss his quiet calm and unconditional support every single day.
Close on the heels of that was my daughter telling me that she wanted to live with her dad full time. We have had an alternate week custody agreement and this news took me by surprise. I'm sad and keep looking for reasons why, but I know that dad's and daughters have a special bond. She's also 11 and changing her mind is an hourly thing so this will just have to play itself out. We continue to have a great relationship and see each other frequently but I miss her messying* up my house.
And the trifecta? I was "downsized" out of my job that I have been in for 12ish years. The company was going in another direction and my position was eliminated. Not an unusual experience in our current economic times with companies looking for ways to cut budget and do more with less folks but it still sucks donkey ballz.
I know that many people deal with far more catastrophic things every day, and I do not want to sound like a whiner, but shiza there are days that I just want to scream "uncle" and make it all stop. I remain optimistic and put one foot in front of the other each day. So with my head up, smile affixed and positive attitude projected, I step out of the tub and into the next challenge coming my way (resume and references in hand).
* I know it's not a word but it's my blog and I'll make them up occasionally to serve my purposes.
When the last 2 months happened the idea to start a blog became solidified. I am viewing this opportunity as a way to put all the bad and ugly out in the universe, like a cleansing, so the good can come right on in. There have been some pretty big changes in my world recently that have left me feeling a little deflated. They were all things that, in isolation, I could have taken in stride, dealt with and moved on. When they all happen at once it makes you question some things.
The first was the demise of a relationship. My partner and fiance decided that he needed to step away from our relationship. After a divorce and some other relationships that never felt right, I knew with Wheels it was different. He was, is, the love of my life and not having him in mine has left a void that can never be filled. It has been like losing a whole piece of me and I'm still trying to relearn how to "be" without him - right now I'm not sure I ever will. I miss his quiet calm and unconditional support every single day.
Close on the heels of that was my daughter telling me that she wanted to live with her dad full time. We have had an alternate week custody agreement and this news took me by surprise. I'm sad and keep looking for reasons why, but I know that dad's and daughters have a special bond. She's also 11 and changing her mind is an hourly thing so this will just have to play itself out. We continue to have a great relationship and see each other frequently but I miss her messying* up my house.
And the trifecta? I was "downsized" out of my job that I have been in for 12ish years. The company was going in another direction and my position was eliminated. Not an unusual experience in our current economic times with companies looking for ways to cut budget and do more with less folks but it still sucks donkey ballz.
I know that many people deal with far more catastrophic things every day, and I do not want to sound like a whiner, but shiza there are days that I just want to scream "uncle" and make it all stop. I remain optimistic and put one foot in front of the other each day. So with my head up, smile affixed and positive attitude projected, I step out of the tub and into the next challenge coming my way (resume and references in hand).
* I know it's not a word but it's my blog and I'll make them up occasionally to serve my purposes.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Welcome to the Tub
I have been a lurker of blogs for a few months now (please don't judge me too harshly) and have decided to dip my toe in the tub and see where this blogging world takes me. I have been awed, moved, informed, brought to tears and laughed out loud at the brave, fabulous, fun and real people whose blogs I have been reading. It has, they have, inspired me.
I am not certain I will do any of those things to any readers who may stumble by here, on their way to a different site no doubt, but I'm going to give it a try. I'm not entirely sure what direction this blog will go but you are invited to it whenever you'd like to stop by. I bid you welcome to my bathtub where the water is sometimes calm and deliciously bubbly and other times you'll find me desperately trying to re-insert the plug while my world swirls he drain.
I am not certain I will do any of those things to any readers who may stumble by here, on their way to a different site no doubt, but I'm going to give it a try. I'm not entirely sure what direction this blog will go but you are invited to it whenever you'd like to stop by. I bid you welcome to my bathtub where the water is sometimes calm and deliciously bubbly and other times you'll find me desperately trying to re-insert the plug while my world swirls he drain.
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